Frozen in Time

Sometimes I feel frozen in time.

My life feels as frozen as that winter scene outside my window. It's white and colorless, like life has forsaken it. The trees, once green, are brown or dead. The sky is gloomy and dark, like my heart.

It's cold outside, like my soul. Nothing is moving to stir up life. Even the creek is frozen.

I can't wait until SPRING. Why is that? Why am I not enjoying this season of my life? What happens in SPRING that's so wonderful that I live in its anticipation and neglect this moment?

I surrender my gloom to my Heavenly Daddy. "Be still and know that I am Elohim," he says. (Psalm 46:10) So, I take a deep breath and invite Him into my chasm. I pause and let Him do His work. "Just keep breathing," I tell myself. His breath is LIFE. His Ruach finds its way into my core where He belonged in the first place. I breathe again and I feel the blood moving though my limbs. I keep my eyes closed so I can't see the cold evidence of winter outside.

Soon a warm flush washes over me. There He is, that unmistakable presence of He who loves me. "I didn't go anywhere," He says. "You allowed the dark gloom to overshadow My Light. Breathe My love into your heart. I bought you. Why would I forsake you now?"

I feel that my crooked road of perception is straightening itself. I open my eyes with a new heart to see what's really out there in that snow covered field. It's a lesson for me. That white field is resting. Do I rest? Yah commanded it. Do I obey?

That white field was green a few months ago. Last spring, the snow began to melt away slowly, not all at once. I remember the last spring the snow of my being began to melt away when I saw evidence of green grass growing. DESHEH

(Psalm 23) the young tender green, nutrient rich grass of spring. It's not the dry stubble of existence; it's the symbol of new life - visible EVERY spring!

In spring, the buds come out. They made it through the winter. Like the buds of fragrance from my lilac bush, they explode at the evidence of warmth and light- JUST LIKE MY SOUL! I LOVE sunshine and warmth.

I remember how I love to walk through the woods in the spring. I find my legs again after a long winter inside. Why do I hide away inside in winter? I should be walking, even in winter, so that my legs and soul don't get stiff from inactivity.

Soon, I realize every winter passes. Creation is obedient in its time of rest and renewal. It's okay for me to pause and not scurry around all winter. The time comes when spring renewal comes. The sap begins to flow just like Psalm 92:14, "Even in old age they will be vigorous, still full of sap, still bearing fruit."

I open my eyes and look out my window again. Now, I see the beauty of purity in white, the sun peeking out between the clouds and the gift of rest, knowing that soon enough I will be VERY active in the new life of spring. I am encouraged that Yah will provide the necessary energy to be flourishing once again. Today is not only rest, but preparation for what lies ahead. I am confident that my Heavenly Father has it ALL under control. I can exhale and be at peace.